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i had this thought of my next million steps: after the last one, i’d fall down dead. now i have to make sure that every one counts and use them to figure a couple of things out. i hope that yr house is a few steps less, in case my feet beat and unconscious path. i hope that yr bedroom is a million steps away so you don’t find me face down in yr hallway. or maybe i’ll just walk the other way, because i don’t have a single step left to waste, and i can’t bear to think of yr face when you see me laying all cold and gray. i’ll walk and i’ll walk with my resolution steeled until with blood and with rain my shoes are all filled. i’ll walk through the cold, and i’ll never look back, until my fingers turn numb and their tips turn all black. i’ll walk until the buildings have all turned to rust, and i’ll walk until my bones are all ground to dust. i’ll think and i’ll plan the whole goddamned way until i know exactly what it is that i want to say. i’ll tell you whatever it is you think might help. i’ll tell you what i always have to tell myself. i’ll repeat it over again for you until we both believe that maybe it’s true. i’m fine. if you need me, i’m counting my steps.

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from Marginalia EP, released February 22, 2011

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Josh Mordecai Rochester, New York

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