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Of Mothers and Minor Biblical Figures

from Marginalia EP by Josh Mordecai

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a couple months ago, i went back home and i talked a while with my mom. i could see from the way she looked at me that she was disappointed in what i’ve become. she could hear the hurt as it bubbled up through my throat. i shudder to think what she might say if she read all the things that i wrote. and i could see her as she struggled to understand how her little boy could grow up to be this man. about a year ago, my mom found god again. ever since that day, he seems to find his way into our conversations. she tells me all these lovely things her pastor said, and all these powerful passages that she’s read. and it brings me joy that she finds comfort in all these old stories. i can’t help but feel a little bad they mean nothing to me. sometimes i feel like my lot has been cast. sometimes i feel like lot’s wife. all i’ve been doing is looking back for my whole little life. every time i do, all i find are the people that i’ve loved and left behind made up as statues from the salt of all the tears that i’ve cried. none of them look quite how i recall. their features are not quite as sharp as the way they seem in my brain or this pain in my heart.

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from Marginalia EP, released February 22, 2011

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Josh Mordecai Rochester, New York

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